I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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