i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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