i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
