goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
