youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
