a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
