You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
bring money and cleavage
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
