the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
