I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
