You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
