you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
