so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
