It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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