My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
