Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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