brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
