...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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