Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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