Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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