Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
