You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All the doctor said was why
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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