i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
