Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
