I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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