what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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