So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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