I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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