i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
