Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
