Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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