Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
