hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I love you. Go after that dick
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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