yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
