i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
