My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
