sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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