I'm gonna have a badass scar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.