you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
