Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
