Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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