I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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