you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
