we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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