Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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