ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
