Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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