dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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