So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize