That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
