I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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