well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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