There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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