News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
