the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
