he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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