She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
