Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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