Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
