Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
