you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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