____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
