we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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