I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
