...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How's work?
Spinning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
