Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the day after is always just damage control
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
