My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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