Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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