there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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