i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im six kinds of drunk right now
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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