It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
