Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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