discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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