Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someone shattered a urinal.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
