I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
