Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
pray to the hookup gods
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
