Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
