I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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